Saturday, April 30, 2016

Philip Kives, 87, Perfected ‘As Seen on TV’ Infomercials

Act now! Be the first on your block to read this obituary of the marketing guru who — as seen on TV — sliced, diced and polkaed his way to fortune! Reared in penury, he bewitched and beguiled the public to become an international tycoon, only to lose everything and then, undaunted, make it back again! Just two dollars and five thin dimes at any New York City newsstand gets you the print edition of this obituary — along with dozens more articles at no extra charge — commemorated with the date and suitable for framing! Quantities are limited, so don’t delay!

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Angus B. MacDonald, 67, 'Pretty nice guy'

So, the world doesn't have Angus MacDonald to kick around anymore. I'm gone! The devil finally called my name. The grim reaper came for me on Friday March 25,2016. I bought the farm. I bit the dust. So I guess I'm off to the promised land eh? The promised land! Imagine!

Monday, January 25, 2016

Jeffrey H. Cohen, 70; this year's first politicobit!

He had a great smile and all his teeth were still his. ... Jeffrey would ask that in lieu of flowers, please do not vote for Donald Trump. (H/T Peter Elikann)

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Douglas White, 68, left his mark on a city

Dougie, guardian and protector of this fair city, loved his job whether it was haunting his driveway in full Halloween regalia in July, running the roads on his souped-up bike (aka the Ghost Rider), singing the oldies at the car show, collecting bottles, playing ball with the neighborhood kids, discussing the latest (and by latest I mean rerun) of Leave It to Beaver or Green Acres, or visiting with his beloved "constituents" and partaking in their food. (H/T Peter Elikann)

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

William Fink, 46, migrated to the Cloud

William Ralph "Bill" Fink, 46, of Belleville, Ill., born July 28, 1969, in Belleville, Ill., encountered an unhandled exception in his core operating system, which prematurely triggered a critical "STOP" condition on Wednesday, Dec. 16, 2015. ... Diagnostics indicated multiple cascading hardware failures as the root problem. Though his hardware has been decommissioned, Bill's application has been migrated to the Cloud and has been repurposed to run in a virtual machine on an infinite loop.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Steven Charles Buckingham, flossed his teeth daily

Steve flossed his teeth daily; he did not put Q-tips into his ear canal; he filed the family taxes in a timely manner; he used his blinker when driving, although he was less observant of speed limits; Steve always ate breakfast (Raisin Bran Crunch, black coffee), respecting the most important meal of the day. (H/T) Claudia Hearn